Fiona Phillips’ husband, Martin Frizell, has opened up about the emotionally draining experience of caring for his wife as she battles Alzheimer’s – and revealed the one thing you must never do when supporting someone with the disease.
The former ITV executive says the biggest lesson he’s learned since Fiona’s diagnosis in 2022 is this: “Don’t say no.” Instead of arguing with Fiona’s delusions, Martin chooses kindness and improvisation — even when it means playing the role of her “kidnapper.”
In the final chapter of Fiona’s upcoming memoir Remember When: My Life With Alzheimer’s, Martin shares a harrowing example. Fiona had become convinced that he was a kidnapper holding her hostage. Rather than try to convince her otherwise, Martin gently walks her “home” — circling the block and pretending to take her to her late parents’ house. “Passers-by stare as Fiona says, ‘I’ll never forgive you for tricking me,’ but we return, and she’s forgotten it all — smiling as if seeing our son Mackenzie for the first time in days.”
Martin, 66, describes caring for Fiona, now 64, as a daily battle that requires instinct, flexibility, and emotional resilience. “The textbooks say not to argue with dementia patients – even before the illness, no one could win an argument with Fiona,” he writes. “So we go along with it. You just deal with what’s thrown at you in that moment.”
One of the most painful moments came when Fiona failed to recognise their eldest son, Nat, who was home on leave from the Army. While Nat made tea in the kitchen, Fiona turned to Martin in distress and asked, “Who’s that man in the kitchen?” Martin gently replied, “That’s Nat, our son. He’s home for the weekend.” Fiona was too confused even to be upset by the question. Thankfully, Nat didn’t hear.
Martin and Fiona met while working at GMTV, where she was a presenter and he was chief correspondent. Just four weeks into dating, he proposed, and the pair married in Las Vegas in 1997. Now, Martin has stepped away from his job as editor of This Morning to care for Fiona full-time.
“She needs a lot of help,” he admits. “I shower her, brush her teeth, help her get dressed… She can do these things physically, but mentally, she no longer knows how.”
Even the smallest tasks, like washing her hair, require step-by-step guidance. “She wouldn’t know how wet it should be or that she needs to rinse the soap. So I do it.”
Martin’s message to others caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s? Don’t aim for perfection. “Trying to be the perfect partner adds pressure when you’re already overwhelmed. Every day is different — just trust your instinct.”
