TV presenter Nick Knowles, 63, has spoken with painful honesty about the guilt he carries following the death of his father — admitting that he avoided seeing him during the hardest time of his life and has spent years trying to forgive himself.
Known for his warmth and compassion on BBC’s DIY SOS, Nick has always helped others through their toughest days. But when his own father fell ill, the presenter admitted he struggled to cope emotionally.
Speaking on the Death: A Changing Industry podcast, Nick recalled how his dad suffered a stroke when he was 33. “Suddenly, with the stroke, he was very emotional and would cry,” he shared. “And I found that incredibly difficult, so I didn’t visit him in the care home as much as I should have done in the last year of his life.”
Nick said he realised his mistake only after his father’s passing. “When he died, I had this moment of realisation that I’d let him down at the most difficult time in his life by not being able to handle it. That took me a long time to come to terms with, and I was very upset.”
Three months later, he made a conscious decision to change the way he remembered his father. “Every time I thought of him, it made me sad. But I loved him — we had great times together. So I told myself, I’ve got to switch this around because I want to think of him and smile.”
In an earlier interview with The Big Issue in 2016, Nick shared another deeply personal memory. “When my dad was older and became ill, I tried to tell him how grateful I was. But he was never very tactile. I remember taking his hand in hospital, and when he woke up and saw me, he pulled his hand away — because men don’t hold hands.”
Nick said that moment changed how he shows affection with his own children. “Now I hug my son all the time. I put my arm around my older boys. I think it’s very important.”
